Eigengrau
by Gunpowder Cookies
Summary: Intrinsic light; the colour seen by the eye in perfect darkness. Oneshot, Hinanami.


**AN: Spoilers for the endings of both Dangan Ronpa and Super Dangan Ronpa 2 up ahead. I don't even know what this is but I wrote it.**

* * *

Hajime Hinata chose the difficult route, the uncertain route, the route that required him to throw himself into the unknown.

It's a surreal state of being, his current one. Not quite Izuru Kamakura anymore, that much the Future Foundation noticed. But still far from Hajime Hinata. He's an in between creature, unsure of where he stands in the spectrum. Sometimes he's more one than the other. It can be a snap, or a fade, he can be one for days then the next for two hours. It's not even a complete personality change, like the Syo that he hears them whisper about. It's a slide from end to end, but never quite to one extreme. He'll look at that Naegi boy, grinning at him and telling him that he's doing well, and smile back before the thought of crushing his windpipe surfaces and he feels like throwing up; then he decides whatever, Naegi's too boring to him anyway.

He hears that all of the others are making 'miraculous progress'. They say that Sonia's doing the best, that she cries and cries when she remembers her actions and doesn't revel in despair, that she constantly asks to hear the story of the boy with the hamsters again. A shame. She was a monster beforehand, the worst that Novoselic had ever seen. Enoshima would be disappointed. Then, at the times when he's more Hinata, he feels glad that Sonia's moving on. She's strong, she'll hold them up.

From snippets he picks up of the others, they're getting along just fine. Finding who they were, changing who they are now, picking up the pieces of their once hopeful selves and willingly sticking them back together. But he doesn't have that strength. He doesn't even know what to call himself. Could a creature so despicable taint his old name? Could such an ordinary being use the name of the famed Super High School Level Hope?

Only Naegi goes near him. Togami barely even speaks to him directly, and whenever Kirigiri's there she's strictly professional. But Naegi cut his hair, brings his food, sits opposite him and asks how he's doing. What a naive boy, as if he doesn't know who he's talking to. He doesn't realise that he's only helping a monster.

The Hinata side of him is insistent on moving forward, and he tries his best to do just that. To keep going, make his own future, show the world that despair did not win. But it's tiring, so exhausting, trying to salvage himself among Hope's Peak's failed masterpiece, to reach out in the ruins and find the person he _is_. Because he's not Izuru Kamakura, he decided that. Naegi told him the story, which Alter Ego found data for. He and the others chose to keep moving forward, to not let Junko Enoshima win.

That girl is still there, an ever looming presence. Junko Enoshima, more complex and cruel than anyone he had ever met, such an enigma that sucked you in and trapped you in her perfectly manicured clutches. She was the only person Izuru Kamakura did not find boring because she had carved out her own set of ideals and answered to nobody, she defied all basic teachings and remained such a mystery that he couldn't be bored of her. She's both admirable and terrifying.

And so he spends his days as an uncertain thing, not quite Hajime Hinata but not quite Izuru Kamakura, wondering if he is doomed to this eternal limbo within himself.

* * *

One day, Naegi gives him a pencil and paper. "You've been tracing on the wall a lot, so I guessed you want to draw!" He smiled, a smile of such light. If there was ever someone so different yet somehow so similar to Enoshima, this was him. A simple person, drawn towards classic ideals of what was good, someone who walked on the side of hope; yet he was just as charismatic, in his own way. Maybe he could transform people the same way that Junko could. Maybe he could reverse the damage.

So he is left with pencil and paper and no idea what to draw. He's a fantastic artist, of course- Hope's Peak denied him of no talents- but he has no idea of what. His mind drifts and so does his hand.

When he looks down, a girl is smiling up at him.

She's nobody that he remembers, just a doodle. But she can't just be a doodle, because she's too distinctive, too unique. That hairclip couldn't have just been drawn on a whim, nor the cat hoodie. And she's too vibrant, too real to be just a drawing. Her smile has a warmth that he couldn't have conjured up.

He knows her but doesn't remember, and it hurts more than anything else, more than Togami's filthy looks, more than the looming figure of Junko Enoshima that haunts his every waking moment, more than the fact that Hope's Peak academy abused his faith in them. It hurts because he knows that this girl is important, that she was a pivotal figure in his life, but he can't remember her and she deserves better.

Her smile, soft, warm, forgiving, caring, kind – it haunts him more than the memories of Izuru Kamakura.

* * *

The next day he requests that Naegi take him outside and then to his friends. Naegi complies without asking Togami or Kirigiri, and it's a miracle that nothing goes wrong. They talk, plan the way forward, decide to try and save their friends. They come to such a resolution and even though the chances are slim; it's inspiring that they're soldiering on. There's a notable difference in each one. Owari is notably thinner – her eating habits have only just returned to normal. Souda's hair is awkward and messy, with patches torn out in places and a brown fuzz returning. Kuzuryuu is constantly squinting one eye as though he no longer remembers how to use it, sometimes shielding it from the light. Only Sonia looks anything like the girl on the island: apparently, she had Kirigiri help with her hair so as to look presentable. She's not so cheerful and less naïve, but she's their strong link at the moment.

"See?" Naegi whispers to Togami, observing from afar. "They're moving on. They're fixed."

"It's too early to assume that, Naegi." The former Super High School Level Heir pinches the bridge of his nose with an irritated sigh. "You're so blindly optimistic. This is far from the end of their rehabilitation, but I'll admit that it's a milestone."

Later on, Kirigiri shows them a piece of paper that she found in Hinata's room. It's tearstained, areas smudged where water droplets made contact with graphite, crumpled around the edges, possibly from a tight grip. She holds it out like a piece of evidence. "Do you think they got their memories back somehow? It would explain the remarkable recovery."

Togami shakes his head. "No. There's still a lot they're foggy about. It's likely that Hinata subconsciously recalled her. I doubt he could name her."

But when Hinata returns to his room he finds that Naegi has stuck the picture to the wall, with the caption _She's proud of you_.

And in that way, Chiaki Nanami was never truly forgotten.


End file.
